Looking at love.....

Big sisters rock!

I am reading John Eldredge's newest book Beautiful Outlaw. I am loving it. I think I have always seen Jesus as a one dimensional person, and this book is helping me to see him in 3-D and fully colorized! Eldredge talks about all of the interesting ways that Jesus healed those who came to him -- often different and sometimes in ways that seem just plain weird to me (the spit, the pigs, etc)! But I love the point that he makes..... that even though the circumstances can SEEM weird to us, the TRUTH is that when we look at Jesus, we are ALWAYS seeing love. No theatrics, no cruelty, no random oddities......love. He doesn't always give us what we want.....but he always gives us what we need. As I stood over Noah's bed Friday night watching him shivering in pain, waiting for the x-ray techs to come and get a picture of his lungs because he seemed to be descending into a real respiratory event (event in the hospital is never a good word) I leaned over him, rubbed his hair, and through tears reminded myself that I was seeing love. What peace filled my heart.....Jesus was here, he was holding Noah, this was not a surprise, nor was it unnecessary. Truth is not dependent on my ability to understand it as such......it is a bedrock that I can hold on to when nothing makes sense.....it isn't a feeling, an instinct, or a theory.......truth is truth. Jesus is love. So, I whispered to my baby that, "This is love." I don't get to see it all here......understand it all......some of it will be revealed to me, and some I won't know this side of heaven. I cling to an eternal perspective vs. a temporal one and more things begin to make sense. The picture is so much bigger than what I can see......and I can trust in the one who sees it all.

Our sweet boy seems to be in a very frustrating holding pattern right now. He was given a suppository yesterday that produced one passing of gas and two barium diapers. We were very excited!! He is not eating anything by mouth yet, and all of his stomach juices (I know...gross right?) are being drained out of his belly so that nothing sits in his stomach. The cycle this creates is that they have to give him lipids (fats) through his IV to nourish him and those lipids mess with his liver. Because his liver numbers are off (although they seem to be improving) he can't have tylenol. Because of the severe dehydration at the beginning of this stay his kidneys were mildly damaged (they look good now) so they haven't been willing to give him ibuprofin. This leaves us with morphine and valium, which also constipate. With nothing going into his tummy he really isn't producing new waste.....and round and round we go. Mommy is working to balance patience and gracious assertiveness. 

SO, the surgeon just came in and told us that we can clamp off his g-tube and see if he can tolerate his tummy juices......if so, we can move to feeding him tomorrow!!! Oh, this is such great news!!! Home is sounding fantastic right about now!!!

Grateful for your continued prayers!!